Phantom Pee

I awoke to little hiccups coming from the baby monitor next to my bed. I quickly turned it off before the full fledge wailing could begin. It was three o’clock as I hauled myself reluctantly out of bed and padded in my bare feet down the hall to the kitchen. Sure enough, as I made a bottle of formula my baby girl was giving it her operatic best. I grabbed a bottle of water for myself and put that and the baby bottle on a table beside the easy chair in the living room then went and got Tori. After changing her diaper I settled down in the chair holding her close and began to feed her by the glow of the light.

The whole house was asleep except for us girls. The air conditioner wasn’t running and neither was the fridge, everything was silent. Then I heard it; the distinct sound of someone peeing on the floor next to my chair. Do you know how loud that is at three in the morning? With my heart trying to climb up my tongue I looked around to see what in the world was peeing on my carpet. Was it a dog or even a pesky raccoon that had found its way in? There was nothing there and besides I would have heard it moving around long before it decided to lift a leg. Completely freaked out, I stood up, set Tori down in the chair and turned on the lamp. There it was – a wet spot right there on the carpet!

For a moment my brain was frozen. There was no rational explanation I could come up with besides a mischievous male ghost relieving his phantom bladder. Then I saw the wetness on the table and figured it out. My water bottle had a very small leak in it. When I took off the cap it released pressure allowing the water to slowly leak out and pool onto the table. When the puddle reached the edge it all spilled out on the floor sounding like Niagra falls in the early morning silence. Boy was I relieved. I mean literally, I had to make a trip to the bathroom.